What is this state of “Mind”

What are these thoughts!?.

Everyday is just messed up, “very badly”

Very confused, very energetic (sometimes), very tired(literally everytime)(mentally),…

Sometimes I got hell lotta great great ideas in my mind, they make me feel very good and confident.

But everything near me has just a negative vibe, ir maybe I made it feel negative in my thoughts (just a dark person)(very very very dark).

What is this state of mind? I want to do what not. But can’t because of nothing, there is literally nothing rather than my thoughts in between my dreams(can be executed in reality) and future(actually present).

Believe me I can do anything-everything I want to do, but but …. but that mind-those thoughts just f*’s me everyday. And I don’t want it, it’s painful, it’s very painful to bear it everyday 24/7 without my any mistake.

I hate it, but I’m never gonna die by myself(You know).

What is this life, that I didn’t choose, but still I choose to live(SURVIVE), THE Life that is mine nobody else’s, the pain that nobody rather than me can understand like me.

What have I done to deserve this. I don’t deserve this. I was a good boy, until it got me in its magic(dark magic) for no reason, no one gifted me this curse(at least I don’t remember).

By I mean for now. Read my siht.)ordering at you(

(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)( ◜‿◝ )( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)ᕤ